The Chronicles of Agent Mars
by Java the Hut
Summary: Four years in the future Veronica is an agent for the FBI. Hilarity ensues.
1. Chapter 1

From the LiveJournal of Veronica Mars:

Friday - October 14, 2011

9:15 P.M.

Hello. My name is Veronica Mars. I am the sexiest agent of the Los Angeles FBI. Everyone wishes they could be my girlfriend, kind of like in high school and college when I had sex with everyone. But I am much more mature now. I will only have sex with guys if they beg for it.

Being in the FBI is normally very fun, but today it wasn't because it was the anniversary of my best friend Lily (sp?) Kane's death. Me and my agent partner Joel (he is really steamy!) were busy hunting down a prostitute named Daisy who had killed many men. Joel and I were taking a break eating at Dunkin Donuts. I was eating a chocolated glazed donut when Joel was talking about Daisy. This reminded me of Lily's (sp?) deathday and I began to burst into tears. I was really sad but I also wanted that f0yne Joel to comfort me.

He asked me what was wrong and I explained to him that when I was a junior I had found the killer of my best friend. He asked me why I had never told him this before and I told him it was because he was a fag. He looked upset (omg, maybe he likes me!) and I told him I didn't really mean it. Then he kissed me on the cheek!!! Afterward he told me it was just to help me feel better and he didn't really have feelings for me. Then I got really sad because Joel is the hottest guy I've ever seen and I want him to have feelings for me!! Oh, Lily (sp?) I wish you were hear so you could tell me what to do!!!

Wait brb there's a knock at the door.

O.

M.

G.

It was Joel at my door of my hot bachelorette pad. He was holding a box of something and I gasped when I realized it was a box of condoms. I had no idea what this could possibly mean but then I got a clue when he pulled me into my bed and started putting on the condoms. He wanted to have sex with me! Even though I was so not in the mood to have sex, I didn't feel like going through another rape dilemma (oh, I was raped at 16 btw) so I just went along with it.

Anyway it was the best sex I had ever had for the first few minutes. But as I was moaning I shouted "LOGAN!" Suddenly both of us stopped being so horny because Joel wanted to know who Logan was. I told him I had no idea because I don't know a Logan and then I apologized. We decided to postpone our first sex to another time and he left.

Who the hell is Logan???? Hmm, the name Logan Echolls seems to ring a bell. WAIT A MINUTE, didn't I do a Logan Echolls a long time ago? (AUTHOR'S NOTE: LOL GET IT?)

I just got out my yearbook and I realized that there was a Logan Echolls who graduated high school with me. I got out my photo album too and there were some pictures of me with him at Hearst College! WTF is going on?!?!

Okay, perhaps you should know that in my second year of college I got in a car crash. I had a severe case of amnesia. When I woke up in the hospital there were a couple of guys from the FBI surrounding me demanding that I join the FBI. I said okay and I've been working with the FBI ever since. Since then little pieces of my memory have cum (LOL) back but not a lot.

I remember:

-My best friend Lily (sp?) was murdered and I found her killer.

-I was rapped at 16.

-I should always do Backup when going out (idk really know what this means but I remember hearing it.)

-I went to Neptune High and Hearst College and I had a lot of sex then.

-Kids who are in school plays get Pirate Points. (wtf, idk?)

The FBI sheltered me really good so no one from my past can find me and I can't find them. I don't even want to find them. Logan was probably one of my frequent customers at my prostitution business (I'm not really sure if I was a prostitute in high school but I had a dream I was.)

Wait, brb again the phone just rang.

Um, what the hell??? The person on the phone asked me if I was Veronica Mars and I said "Yes, bitch, who the hell are you??" and they said it was Mac and that it was really important that I talk to her.

I started screaming at her telling her Macdonald's was a crappy fast food restaurant and Wendy's was 100x better! So I told her to never call back and then I hung up because I don't want fast food restaurants calling my house.

K so I'm going to get my beauty sleep now, because a hot girl likes me needs her sleep! LOL, you know? Anyway I hope I dream about Joel because he's the 1 for me.

Love,

Veronica Pluto (lol jk)


	2. Chapter 2

From the LiveJournal of Veronica Mars:

Sunday – October 16, 2001

3:16 P.M.

Today has been such a weird day, omg. I was laying down on a table in a spa which the FBI paid for me to use. I had cucumbers on my eyes and I was busy thinking about hot boiz. Suddenly someone took the cucumbers off my eyes. "WTF?" I shouted. Standing in front of me was a black-haired girl who looked my age. I wasn't afraid because I am in the FBI and I have worked out so much that I am super-strong, not to mention super-sexy.

"Veronica, it's me, Mac!" the girl said.

I was really pissed because I thought I had told this girl or fast food restaurant or whatever that I didn't want her talking to me. "Um, can you go away please? I'm trying to enjoy my SPA!" 

Tears swelled this girl's eye. I was going to make fun of her because she was crying (I never cry, you have to be perfect to be in the FBI, and perfect people never cry). So then Mac said, "Veronica, we used to be friends (A/N: LOL!) in college. But the FBI brainwashed you and you've been missing from your friends and family for three years!"

I slapped her. "Clearly, you're lying! I am a genius so I think I'd know if you were lying."

"No, I'm not. If you don't believe me, just look up your name on Google. That's how I found you."

I groaned. "Okay, listen MAX or whatever your name is! I am a genius, so I think I'd know if you were lying, OKAY???"

Mac sighed. "Actually, Veronica, you used to be a genius, a long time ago (A/N: LOL!). You were smart and sassy. If you were a TV show, Entertainment Weekly would've given you great reviews. But after the car crash, the FBI brainwashed you to be retarded, so Entertainment Weekly would give you an F now. So Veronica, please come back with me to Neptune, your home!"

I didn't like what this bitch was saying so I took out my stun ray and shot it at her. She fell to the floor paralyzed. I took out a post-it note and wrote 'TERRORIST' on it and put it on this weird girl. I'm a genius so I was sure she was a terrorist since terrorists are always trying to play these weird mind games with you.

I went back home. I didn't worry about Mac the Terrorist; she would be okay. Someone would find her and hand her to the FBI where she would get the beating she deserved.

So…umm…I'm not saying that this terrorist is telling the truth or anything, but for lols, what if I search my name on Google??

OMG WTF. This is what popped up on Google when I searched my name:

-Ex-sheriff of Neptune Keith Mars and daughter Veronica uncover Lilly Kane's murderer, award-winning actor Aaron Echolls.

-Keith Mars released novel "Small Town, Big Secret". He would like to thank his daughter Veronica.

-Veronica Mars and boyfriend Logan Echolls uncover the true bus crash killer, Beaver (a.k.a. Cassidy) Casablancas.

-Veronica Mars uncovers the Hearst rapist.

-Veronica Mars uncovers the killer of Hearst Dean.

-Veronica Mars is smarter than me.

WTF IS GOING ON? Clearly Google is owned by terrorists, so they're making it seem like this Mac was telling the truth! OMG, I need a vacation for thinking so hard.

Oh, and btw, I just remembered that my bff Lily's (or as Google prefers to call it, Lilly) deathday was actually October 3rd. I'm so busy dealing with relationships and looking hot and terrorists that I guess I forgot! LOL.

Love,

Veronica Neptune (lol jk)


	3. Chapter 3

From the LiveJournal of Veronica Mars:

Monday – October 17, 2011

10:45 P.M.

OMG I'm such a retard; yesterday I said it was 2001!!! Stupid terrorists, filling my head with confusion!! If you are a terrorist, PLEASE GO OVERDOSE ON PILLS OK BECAUSE YOU ARE FILLING MY HEAD WITH CRAP.

Well anywayz Joel and I were busy tracking down a kidnapper today in San Diego. But lol we forgot to bring guns!! So since we were unarmed, the kidnapper was able to trap me and Joel in his basement along with some kidnapped kids. Oh and btw I was totally strong enough to kick the kidnapper's ass; I was just so busy thinking about Joel and how sexay he was.

"I cannot believe we let the kidnapper trap us in his basement!" exclaimed I.

Suddenly Joel started to stare at me; I could tell there was lust in his eyes. "Um, Veronica, we might not make it out of here alive. So…do you wanna do it? You know, make up for last time."

I was so flattered that I didn't mind that our lives were in danger and there were five kidnapped children overhearing our conversation. I jumped on him and we started to make sweet love.

"OH LOGAN!" I shouted. Joel and I both gasped when we realized what I had said.

Joel began to tear up. "Who is this Logan???"

I was so sad because I didn't know myself. "I don't know, bebe. But I need to talk to Mac the Terrorist; she knows. I have to uncover the truth once and 4 all, even if it means talking 2 gay terrorists."

When the kidnapper came back I explained to him that he needed to let us out, because if I didn't I may never understand all the strange things that were happening to me. Omg he was so nice; he let me and Joel out, along with the kidnapped kids. Normally I would've arrested his ass, but I had more important things to deal with!

So me and Joel ran to the FBI Prison and found Mac's cell.

"Hey Veronica," Mac said to me. "Who's this guy?" she asked, glaring at Joel.

"This is my boyfriend," I replied. I stuttered on my words, since I didn't really know if this was true; I turned to Joel. "Joel…are we goin' out?"

"Yeah baby," he said. Omg my heart was pumping so fast. Clearly our love was true love.

Mac began to laugh. "Veronica, you don't really love this guy. Your soul mate's back in Neptune. His name is Logan."

Omg Mac was so retarded. Why cun't people be smart like me??? "Listen, stupid!" I shouted. "If Logan is my soul mate, how come I have no memories of him?? Huh?? HUH???"

"Because the FBI erased--," explained Mac. She was interrupted when Joel shot a bullet at her head. She fell to the floor, dying.

"Wtf did you do that for, honeybee?" I asked Joel, my boyfriend. Omg aren't we cute together?

Joel sighed. "Oh, Veronica, I forgot to tell you. The terrorists have a new bomb now; it's called a Word Bomb. They eat bombs, and the more they talk, the more deadly the bomb gets. If I hadn't shot her and let her continue talking, this entire building would have been blown up."

"That makes perfect sense, sugar-cheeks," I replied. And no, that wasn't sarcasm. A Word Bomb makes perfect sense, rite?

Joel and I left the building as we heard Mac screaming as she died. I vaguely thought I heard her say "The answers are in Neptune!" but idk because I also farted and sometimes I hear strange things when I fart.

I am watching Sister, Sister right now!!!! LOL!!!

Hmmm…maybe I should visit this town of Neptune. It could just be a terrorist trap, but I need real answers. What do u guys think???

Who am I kidding, none of u guys ever leave me comments. Infact I have no friends on this LiveJournal and I'm pretty much talking to myself. UGH, why can't this be like MySpace where at least Tom was my friend?????

Love,

Veronica Earth (lol jk)


	4. Chapter 4

From the LiveJournal of Veronica Mars:

Tuesday – October 18, 2011

9:18 P.M.

Omg you guys. 2day was an insane day. Like, relli relli insane. I decided to drive into the town of Neptune, but unlike my last mission, I was armed with plenty of guns this time. Being super-smart, I had a feeling that Neptune wuz a deadly town kind of like that 1 movie where that woman went 2 the town and all those ghost people attacked her. I h8 that movie.

SO ANYWAYZ I called the FBI and told them I was taking a sick day. Then I started driving and after an hour or so I was in Neptune. To my supperise, it looked like ur normal town. Maybe Mac the Terrorist wuz just playing with my mind!!!

I decided to stop 4 some coffee at this adorable little coffee shop called Java the Hut. When I saw the title, I laughed 4 a good twenty minutes because it's a play on words; Jabba the Hut is a character on The Star Wars! LOL!!! I have such a good cents of humor.

I went up 2 the counter to order my coffee; there was a black guy working there. He looked into my eyes and gasped.

"OMG, Veronica!!" he shouted.

WTF??! This guy must've been a stalker! "OMG, are u stalking me??" I shouted him. "Because I work for the FBI, and I'll arrest u! I'll do it!!!!"

"Veronica, I can't believe you're alive!!!" this guy shouted. "It's me, Wallace!"

Wut was this guy talking about?? Why would he think I'm dead?? "Um, listen, u must have the wrong grl because I'm Veronica Mars, and I don't no u."

This guy Wallace started crying and laughing at the same time. "Veronica, for three years everyone's been thinking you were dead! Mac said she was determined to find you alive and well, but everyone thought she was crazy!"

I was s0 pissed. "Listen, Wallace, you gayhead! I don't know you! And FYI, Mac is DEAD, OK? My hot boyfriend Joel shot her because she was a terrorist!"

Wallace had a look of concern in his eyes. "Veronica…have you lost your memory?"

"Well, yea, I did because I got in a car crash," I explianed to him. "But my memory is slowly coming back, and I don't remember you, Wallace Fennel!"

I screamed because somehow I new this guy's last name! Omg.

"Veronica, I think you better come with me," said Wallace.

He walked into the girls' bafroom and I followed him. "Umm, you're not supposed to be in the girls' bafroom!" 

Wallace laughed. "When we were in high school, you pulled me in here all the time."

"Yea…sure…whatever," I mumbled. "Now gimme sum answers!"

"Well, Veronica, three years ago u got in a car crash with ur dad," said Wallace. "U both fell into a coma, and your dad's still in one. You were in the hospital for a week when a nurse walked in and u were gone! No one noes what happened 2 u, but we all assumed u were just dead. Except for Mac, that is. She was sure you were alive and she's been looking 4 u since u vanished."

I gasped becuz I knew how I had vanished. When I woke up in the hospital room, all these guys from the FBI were standing around me. They told me to cum with them and I did, so I'd been working for the FBI and living in LA ever since.

Suddenly my head started to throb. My whole body started throbbing too. NO, not like that, u sicko. And sooo well I fainted.

When I woke up I was in the hospital. The nurse said my friend Wallace (he's not relli my friend tho) took me here. I'm writing this on a complimentary hospital laptop in a room that I'm sharing with some old comatose guy named Keith Mars. LOL, we have the same last name lol.

Well…idk if this Wallace is telling the truth. If he is, there r still many questions I need answers 2! Like how did I get in the car crash?? Why did the FBI just steal me from the hospital??? AND HOO IS LOGAN.

OMG the hospital gets The CW! KOOL.

AWESOME, The Search 4 da Next Pussycat Dolls is on!! I LUV DIS SHOW! 

Love,

Veronica Uranus (lol jk)


	5. Chapter 5

From the LiveJournal of Veronica Mars:

Wednesday – October 19, 2011

6:19 P.M.

My "friends" came 2 visit me today.

I was busy watching The Tara Bank Show when Wallace led a huge group of people in my room. When they all looked at me, they gasped. I decided 2 give them a smart-alic response: "Take a picture, it'll last longer!!"

"Veronica," said Wallace. "These were ur friends before the accident. Piz, Parker, Weevil, and Dick."

I started cracking up! "HAHAHA! DICK?!?! IS YOUR BROTHER'S NAME VAGINA?"

Dick frowned. "Actually, my brother Cassidy commited suicide."

Suddenly I felt a weird pain in my heart. It was a feeling I had never experienced before. A word that came to mind was…remorse. Could it be that, I, Veronica Mars, the perfectest person in the world was feeling remorse?

No. No of course not. I wuz just hungry.

"Veronica, I can't believe you're okay!" exclaimed Parker.

Weevil leaned close to me to hug me but I smacked him. "You can look, but u can't touch. Now you all get out of here, go 2 the vending machine and get me sum Pringles! I'm hungry!"

Everyone obeyed. Except for Piz; he just stood there, looking at me.

"Um, r u deaf??" I shouted at him. "Go get me Pringles!"

Piz ignored me, that whore. "Veronica…did you lose all of ur memory before the accident?"

"Yea, most if it."

Piz grinned. "I don't think you remember, but before the accident, we were in a relationship."

I groaned. "Look, Pus, or wutever your name is, I'm sure ur a very nice guy, but…,"

Piz started to cackle. "Actually, I'm not a very nice guy."

Umm, I had no idea wtf Piz's problem was. He was clearly retarded or sumthin. Fortunately his painful-to-listen-to cackling was interrupted by all my other "friends" coming back.

"Sorry, there weren't any Pringles," said Weevil. "But we brought you Sno Caps." He handed them to me and I threw them all at him.

"I don't want stupid Sno Caps!" I shouted. "Wut I want 2 do is call my hot boyfriend Joel."

I reached for my cell phone but Wallace stopped me. "No, Veronica, don't. I have a bad feeling about Joel; infact, I have a bad feeling about the FBI. Don't you find it weird that you were suddenly taken from your life and thrown into the FBI?"

"No!"

Parker walked up 2 me. "Veronica, do you know who's laying in the bed next to you?"

"Yea, some old guy with the same last name as me."

Parker sighed. "Veronica, he's your father. He's been in a coma for the past four years. If he were awake, he would've convinced you that you were really one of us; not some FBI clone. He also would've been able to prove that Logan was innocent."

"Huh???"

Parker began to cry and she left the room. Dick explained, "Logan was accused of crashing your car. He was found guilty. He's in prison now."

I gaspped. So the guy Mac claimed was my true love was actually a criminal mastermind, that retard. "O, wow, that's really sumthin u guys. Umm, do you all think you could leave the room so I could cry over it?"

"Of course," replied Wallace. He and the others left the room.

But instead of crying, I took out my cell fone and called up Joel. Screw Wallace; Joel would get me outta this madhouse. Joel picked up. "Hello, Joel!!! It's me, Veronica, ur lover!! Well I'm trapped at the Neptune Hospital surrounded by all these crazy people! Please cum rescue me."

"Sure, baby," said Joel. "I'd do anything for you. I'd do you."

"Omg, you are so romantic," I said flirtily. "When u rescue me, I'll give you all the sex you want, considering we had interruptions the past 2 times. But this won't happen next time!"

"Cun't wait," he said. Then I hung up.

Yes, Joel wud rescue me and everything wud be okay.

Yea. Totally.

Love,

Veronica Saturn (lol jk)


	6. Chapter 6

From the LiveJournal of Veronica Mars:

Thursday – October 20, 2011

2:15 A.M.

Some crazy crap has been happening da past few hours. I was watching Nick Nite (does any1 else think the Brady Bunch might be gay???) when Joel walked into my room. I was so happy becuz finally my Prince Charming had cum to save me.

"OMG, Joel!" I shouted.

"I am so glad 2 see you, babe," said Joel. He swept me off my feet and we walked into the hallway, quietly so none of my "friends" would hear me.

Unfortunately they did. Wallace ran up to us, looking pissed. "Veronica, who is this?!"

"This is my hot boyfriend Joel!" I exclaimed. "And you are going to let us leave the hospital!"

Wallace frowned. "I can't, Veronica. Joel is EVIL! Let me explain why—"

Suddenly Joel took out a gun and shot Wallace. He fell to the floor, dying. I opened my mouth to scream, but then I stopped when I realized that perfect people didn't scream or cry. And besides, I didn't even have any memories of Wallace, so why should I be sad??

Oh, except 4 that one time he helped me run from the Tritons.

And that time we both uncovered Lamb's secret relationship with Madison.

And how he was my only friend when everyone else hated me.

OMG I NEED 2 SHUT UP. WHY AM I BEING SO RETARDED HAVING NOSTALGIA AND EVERYTHING. OMFG.

So anyway, as Wallace dropped dead, Joel and I quickly ran out of the hospital and jumped into his car and he started driving.

"Aren't you glad that I rescued u?" asked Joel.

I hesitated. "…Yea." When I said that, I felt kinda weird in my stomach. Then suddenly I got a crazy idea. "Say, Joel, I really want to get away from all these Neptune freaks, but do you think we could visit my old boyfriend Logan at the Neptune Prison?"

Joel stared at me like I was crazy. I explained, "Oh, I don't love him or anything. I'm in love with you to the max. But won't it be SO hilarious making fun of the life I could've had, falling in love with a criminal?"

Joel smiled. "Alright, Veronica. To the Neptune Prison it is."

He drove us to the Neptune Prison and we went inside. Since we worked for the FBI, the guard automatically took us to Logan's cell. I asked Joel if he could stand in the corner; I wanted to talk to Logan alone. He understood.

When I looked at Logan's face, I saw a face that was so familiar yet so mysterious. He looked into my eyes and nearly had a heart attack. "Veronica…you're alive."

"Yeah…no thanks to you," I replied snarkily.

"What are you talking about?"

I groaned. "Stop pretending like u don't know what I'm talking about. I know you tried to kill me four years ago, so just cut it with the drama, okay???"

Logan looked like he was going to cry. Normally I would've laughed at a crying person, but for some reason I didn't feel like doing it right now. Logan said, "Veronica, what's happened to you?"

I groaned again. "Omg, Logan. After the car crash, WHICH WAS YOUR FAULT, I had a case of amnesia. Then I was recruited by the FBI who have been my family for the past 4 years. I have a new hot boyfriend; his name is Joel. And I don't even like you or remember you, okay?"

Logan was definitely crying now. "You don't know what happened that night! I wasn't trying to hurt you! I was trying to save you."

I gasped. "Umm, shut up, ok? You don't know what you're talkin' about."

"Veronica, you had a LiveJournal before the accident. And so did Piz," declared Logan. "I want you to read them both, okay?"

"NOOO!" I shouted. "I WON'T. BECAUSE YOU'RE LYING TO ME. I KNOW YOU'RE LYING TO ME BECAUSE I AM SUPER SMART."

Joel ran up to me to see what was going on. "Veronica, is this guy bothering you?? Cuz I'll beat him up!"

"No, no that's okay," I replied. "Come on, let's go."

Me and Joel quickly walked down the hall away from Logan. As we walked I heard him shout "FIND THE LIVEJOURNALS!"

So rite now I'm writing this at the Neptune Grand hotel room Joel bought for us to have sex in. I'm alone right now; he's taking care of some FBI business, but when he comes back, we're gonna do it!

How cum I'm not more excited?

Love,

Veronica Mercury (lol jk)


	7. Chapter 7

From the LiveJournal of Veronica Mars:

Thursday – October 20, 2011

4:20 A.M.

Shit, you guys.

Thanks to my super FBI agent skills, I was able to find the LiveJournals from myself and Piz 4 years ago. Should I read it? No…I shouldn't. I'm just gonna go put some sex jelly on me to get prepared for sex with Joel.

NO! I have to read those journals! I'm clicking mine 1st…

**From the LiveJournal of Veronica Mars:**

**Wednesday– June 13, 2007**

**7:06 P.M.**

**I just got a visit from some guy named Joel. He knows I'm going to FBI training this summer, but he says he knows all about me and how much experience I already have. He wanted me to become an official FBI member, and I was going to say yes, because hello, it's a job?**

**Then he told me the catch. I had to completely leave all my family and friends and not see them for ten years. Apparently when you're in the FBI your life becomes a series of insane twists and turns and being in the FBI is no place to have friends.**

**That's when I knew I had to say no. I have a lot of things I need to work out here. I miss Logan. I want to be with him. But I'm with Piz and he's with Parker. No, I definitely can't leave my life right now.**

**When I explained this to Joel, he got incredibly pissed and left in a huff. He said he'd find a way to make me join the FBI. What's he gonna do, brainwash me?**

**-Veronica**

omg. Dis is sum serious shit. I knew Joel before I was recruited by the FBI?? WTF?? Maybe I should keep on reading…

**From the LiveJournal of Veronica Mars:**

**Friday – June 15, 2007**

**11:15 P.M.**

**Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Everything in my life has turned to shit.**

**Why, you may ask? Well, let's begin; it all started at the party Piz and Wallace were throwing at their dorm. It was to celebrate the beginning of summer. There was gonna be booze, dancing, the whole shabang. A fun time is had by everyone, right? Wrong.**

**I showed up at their dorm and was flirting with Piz as usual, since we are dating afterall. Max and Mac showed up, kissing, and Parker and Logan (ugh) arrived, making out. I'll admit I was feeling a bit jealous, so I asked Piz if we could go somewhere to be alone. We went into a dorm next door which wasn't occupied; no one would've minded. This is college, not a suburban neighborhood.**

**So I told Piz how glad I was to have him as a boyfriend. This was a total lie; I missed Logan. I really did. So Piz leaned to kiss me and I let him. Then he started to take off my shirt and that's where I drew the line. "Piz, not now, okay?"**

**Then he got pissed. "Veronica, I'm you boyfriend. We're supposed to have sex!"**

"**Piz, look, I'm not in the mood tonight!"**

**Then Piz slapped me. I fell to the ground in a shriek of terror. He looked at me in the eye and said "If you don't have sex with me, I'll do it again!"**

**Quickly I ran into Wallace's dorm and started screaming for help. No one was listening because the music was blasted so loud and everyone was making out. I screamed some more, but no one listened! I found Logan and Parker making outt on the couch and I quickly ran to Logan. "Logan! Help!" I shouted.**

**He ignored me. He kept making out with Parker. I kept screaming at him, why the fuck wasn't he responding?! The music was so fucking loud, and Parker and Logan were so fucking horny.**

**It was at that moment I realized that I couldn't handle it. My friends, my life. Everything. I'd been having a lot of problems with them lately. Wallace had told me I was being a bitch lately, Mac ignored me now that she was with Max, Piz was an abusive bastard, and all Logan cared about was Parker these days.**

**I ran outside with tears falling down my face. I called Dad and told him to come pick me up; he did. As we drove off, I saw Logan trying to stop us. I didn't say anything to him. I just couldn't handle my friends anymore.**

**I haven't told Dad about Piz's behavior yet because I don't feel like handling that tonight. He just thinks I'm crying because we're not together anymore.**

**I've decided that I will take the FBI's offer. I told my dad about this and he thinks that maybe it is a good idea. Get away from Neptune for a while. Maybe even forever.**

**  
Right now I'm writing this in the laptop in my dad's car and**

That's where the entry stopped.

That must've been wen we got in a car crash!!

So, well, um omg.

-That weird guy Piz abused me.

-I got in the car crash hating all my friends.

-I wanted to join the FBI.

But if I ended up wanting 2 join the FBI, why did they have to kidnap and brainwash me?? Maybe I should read Piz's journal…

**From the Journal of Piz Piznarski:**

**Wednesday – June 13, 2007**

**9:10 P.M.**

**I was busy watching porno (Wallace was out with some girl) when I got a knock at the door. It was some guy named Joel. He told me he was from the FBI and that he would make me an offer I couldn't refuse. I was listening.**

**He said he wanted Veronica to join the FBI because of her amazing skills and abilities to deceive people. Apparently she didn't want to join, and they were willing to pay me 50 million dollars if I figured out a way to hand her over to the FBI.**

**Holy shit, 50 million dollars?! No girl is worth more than that!**

**I told him I would help him. He gave me his number and told me to give him a call when I had an idea. I can't wait till I get an idea.**

**Your homedog, Piz**

Fuck.

**From the Journal of Piz Piznarski:**

**Friday – June 15, 2007**

**11:06 P.M.**

**Veronica Mars is such a little bitch. She wouldn't have sex with me even though we're dating! Now since I've been working out I accidentally hit her to the floor. Any girl would've been amazed by how strong I was, but no, Veronica ran out crying. Obviously we were going to break up now, and if I was unlucky, she might even report the cops on me.**

**Veronica is so predictable so I'm sure she'll be getting a ride from her dad. Logan would've helped her in a heartbeat but I put some drugs in his drink that made his hearing and eyesight poor. Yeah, I'm a master with drugs. I put some drugs in that drink Veronica drank at that party years ago (that's right, I raped her too!).**

**So, yeah, Logan just ran up to me and demanded to know what was going on. I told him that I had "harmlessly" hurt Veronica. He punched me (I only bled a little bit) and then he ran off to catch up to her.**

**Shit, a marathon of Gilligan's Island is on! Fridays don't get better than this.**

**Your homedog, Piz**

Oh. My. God. My entire memory just came back. Everything. I know Backup is my dog and that Duncan, being school president of Neptune High was able to give kids in school plays Pirate Points.

Um, let me get this straight.

Dad was driving us home. Logan was driving behind us trying to stop me. But since Piz drugged him, he couldn't see what he was doing and crashed into us. Therefore, everyone assumed Logan was trying to kill me. When I was in the hospital, Piz must've contacted Joel to let them know I was available for kidnapping.

Oh fuck. This means the people I thought I could trust I can't trust at all. Joel may be hot on the outside, but he's incredibly evil on the inside.

And all the people I had tried to turn away from me…Wallace, Mac, Weevil, Parker, Logan. They've been trying to help me, and now two of them are dead and one of them's in prison.

And Joel just came back. Oh, fuck.

Love,

Veronica Venus (lol jk) (this form of goodbye is getting old if you ask me)


	8. Chapter 8

From the LiveJournal of Veronica Mars:

Thursday – October 20, 2011

6:19 A.M.

Somehow I always knew my life would one day end up like this.

Where do I begin?

Joel entered our hotel room and I quickly shut down the laptop. Joel is many things: evil, a jerk, a bastard, but he's not a moron. He demanded to see what was on my laptop. I said it was just some silly girl stuff, but he opened it up anyway.

My heart raced a mile a minute as he scanned my LiveJournal. My life began to flash before my eyes. Duncan becoming my boyfriend, Lilly getting killed, my mom abandoning me, Duncan breaking up with me, meeting Wallace, kissing Logan, finding out Aaron was the killer, the bus crash, finding out Duncan was a father, being rescued by Logan when Cassidy almost killed me, going into college, meeting Piz and Parker, uncovering the Hearst rapist, finding the Dean's killer…

And then things turned sour. I joined the FBI and my life became all about sex. I did whatever Joel and the FBI told me to, no longer living by my own rules. I just wish that in some alternate universe I never got to join the FBI, so that some other Veronica Mars' life didn't have to turn to utter shit.

"Veronica…you're a very naughty girl," said Joel.

"Shut up!" I shouted at him. As I screamed, I realized I was crying. Go figure.

He grinned. "I forgive you, Veronica, for breaking the rules. So how about you and I get out of here and we just give you another brainwash? That way, you won't remember any of this, and we can have our happily ever after."

Joel and I both gasped when someone bursted into our room. It was Logan.

"Veronica!" he shouted.

"Logan!" I exclaimed. I ran up to him and hugged him. "How'd you get out?!"

"Me and some of the other guys came up with a way to escape," replied Logan. "But everything's going to be okay now. I'll show the police the LiveJournals which I stumbled upon the other day. And we can finally be together."

The moment was so amazing that I had completely forgotten a man with a gun was standing with us. And that's why it came as such a surprise when Joel shot the trigger and the bullet hit Logan right in the chest. He fell to the ground in pain.

"Logan!" I cried. "Logan, I'm so sorry! This whole time…I've always loved you! Since the beginning. Since we used to play those games with each other. I'm so sorry."

He looked into my eyes and grinned. Then he closed his eyes and I couldn't feel a heart beating anymore. He was gone.

I turned to the Joel and glared into his eyes. He was laughing, that son of a bitch.

"Aren't you glad that nuissance is out of the way?" he asked.

I walked up to him. "You know…we never did get to have sex."

We started to hug. Joel started to take off my shirt, but before he did, I reached into his pocket and took out his gun and shot him.

He fell to the ground, moaning in pain. He wouldn't be living much longer.

"There's your sex, bastard."

I looked at my surroundings. There were two dead men on the floor; this wouldn't look good, especially considering all those other deaths I was somewhat responsible for.

I have to get out of here. Out of Neptune, even out of California. Maybe I'll head to New York; I really liked it there the first time, and it sure would be interesting hanging out with the Upper East Manhattan kids. I've got a lot of money from the FBI after all.

I won't have time to personally say goodbye to my friends and apologize for all the shit I caused them. I will, however, make a quick stop to the hospital and leave a link to this LiveJournal with my dad. Hopefully Weevil or someone will find it so someone can know what happened; Piz deserves to be put behind bars. Maybe my dad will even wake up soon so he can have a proper explanation on what the fuck is going on.

Well, this is going to be the last of the entries in my journal. Looking back on my posts, I've realized what a complete retard the FBI turned me into. It's pretty funny, but incredibly sickening at the same time.

My dear readers, we won't meet again. In about two weeks, Veronica Mars wil be completely gone from everyone's lives. I'll have a new identity and a new life; how does the name Sheronica Earth sound?

Love,

Veronica Mars


End file.
